The Freak Show Bar

August 31, 2006. Ok so we have to make our way to Mist. I'm in the back stretching out, kind of out of it because things are starting to set in. We take off down the road and after about 25-30 min it’s like Dude, you guys know where you’re going, (Jim is driving, Arthur is shotgun) pretty soon were going to be in Washington. We see no other vans from the race or cars for that matter. We finally come across some lights but it turned out to be the entrance to an Industrial park, there was a van there but it looked like it was A-Rockin, so we didn’t bother knocking. Like I said earlier, I was starting to feel the effects of everything, the 16 Oz MGD had not helped either. It had come to my attention that we had passed a Bar back a ways, but we didn’t stop for directions because according to Jim, "They were probably all drunk". I make my first ED (Executive Decision) with the support of the rest and we headed back to the bar. Now what happens next was almost Surreal.

Now no offense to Okie, but the only thing lacking this Hillbilly Bar was the theme to Deliverance as Arthur and I walked in. Lord I was really regretting having worn my tights in that place, I felt like a teenager trying to pull down her jacket to cover the ass. Now after we were back in the Van I had described it akin to a freak show, but Arthur nailed it when he said it was the bar Scene from Star Wars. These people were not Freaks, they were an entirely different species, all to there own, It was us that were the freaks. So we walk up to the bar and excuse ourselves and explain we are in need of directions to Mist. The Bartender a 350Lb + Jabba the Hut of a woman, to keep with the theme, called over one of the patrons - Imagine Willie Nelson sans most of the teeth, if he could explain to us the way to mist. Well as soon as he got to, "when you get to the top of the hill turn left" I knew we weren’t going to find what we were looking for. It would seem that after about 4 or five turns the phrase, "no wait, you might get confused" which seemed to be the cue for someone else to join in the forum. There was no doubt in my mind that these folks knew exactly where they were, after all how many, "Tree where they hung old man Johnson from" can there be. I must admit I was having fun listening to the different suggestions and even offered a few of my own. SO, I began to look around, but it was funny, no walls, it was open space, but it would seem as if every table was hidden in its own shroud of darkness , the place was lit up but you couldn’t see who was really at the table without getting closer, which I didn't of course. So we head out. As it turns out a “patron”, had come out and also talked about "the left at the top of the hill" but also mentioned that there was a Chevron about 6 miles down the road. That seemed like a step in the right direction so we headed for the Chevron.

At the Chevron we found a map, both local and a Rand McNally. The Local map was about as clear as the directions we had gotten but to Jim it all seemed "oddly familiar". So some of the group went to the counter, some went to the bathroom; I went to the cooler that had the 64 Ouncers. I came back to the same tune we heard at the bar but then the lady at the cash register said, you could always go down 74 take a left onto 47 and that will take you right into mist, but its an extra 14-15 miles (Actual HWY Names were changed to protect the innocent), "A winner" I exclaimed, and we began to Exodus from counter.

Out of the corner of my eye I spot Jim talking to someone on the other side of the counter and they are holding "The Local Map". Well apparently Jim knew exactly where we were, and how to get to Mist with the local map. Here came my Second ED (see definition above) of the night. In no condition to drive, still had 64 Oz to go, I asked for the navigator position from Arthur which he eagerly relinquished. As soon as we pulled out of the lot I said Ok, 74 there it is take a left - The response was, "Just past that sign is the top of the hill where......." I cut him off claiming that he could either drive, or navigate - But it was too dangerous to do both. Besides, Jethro and the clan would make easy bait out of us in the backwoods anyway, did you see how they were looking at your ass? The chorus from behind was on my side and the Coup d’Etat was over, clean and simple we would stick to the main roads although it would take us twice as long to get there.

Once we settled in and knowing exactly where we where, according to Rand McNally, my second dilemma was trying to figure out how to open the dam beer with out the captain hearing me. I wasn’t sure what her, 'Beer in the car, while Jim is at the wheel going up and down the switchbacks’ policy was, but upon the later retelling of this tail, I was told I was a Dolt because she would have drunk with us. Live and Learn. In my earlier efforts in trying to pop it softly I had broken the tab. She was asleep, so now it was just a matter of finding something to pressure it open. I finally got it with a quarter.

Me sleeping on the cooler

We made it to Mist. A large field awaited us, cars were filing in, we found our spot and everyone tried to find a place to crash out. The field seemed like a disaster refugee camp. There were Tents and also just people lying in their bags on the grass, A lone light pole that shown an eerie yellow light mixed with that of the cars settling in for the night. The Girls are in the back, Capitan and Arthur have the middle staked out, Jim laid across the front. I had made the rookie mistake of actually getting out of the van to stretch. So I popped the hood on the Chrysler "minivan", moved the cooler to one side, it covered about half of the back and then I used the bags and such to fill in the rest. It wasn’t that bad, I was in EFP (Extreme Fetal Position), there must be a yoga name for it, and I brought down the hatchback and passed out. Next thing I remember I woke up shivering, I tried to reconfigure but it was impossible. This is where for the first and only moment for about 2-3 min I felt miserable. I got up and decided to check things out. This stop was famous for its Pancakes so I stepped out to take a look around. By now, I’m really out of it. I make it to the port a john's, called Honey Buckets in this neck of the woods, then walk into the only building. I remember a church like entrance but can't say for sure. It must have been a multi use kind of thing because it was all open on the inside, tables set up with food and coffee. I wasn’t really hungry so started to make my way back.

To the left of the enter/exit door I find a familiar figure. Jim is sitting in a chair, it's tilted back against the wall his shoes are off, his feet on a little bunk, mouth open, dribble abundant, and 2 kids on his right 2 on the left. I then proceeded to tell the one taking the picture , “Hey get in there I'll take it”. It wasn’t the first, I don't think it was even the last picture taken of him that night, but one thing was for sure, he was the epitome of how most of us older folk felt that night.

The Lockout

I got to the van took over front and passenger side seats and went to sleep. I probably got a good hours worth of sleep, which was just enough to give me my second wind for my last leg. Later we would find out that when Jim came back to the Van all the doors were locked and he couldn’t get in. I have no idea why, neither does anyone else, all claimed that they were asleep and didn’t even know he had left. All I know is that our first night in the hotel I bunked with Jim and he is a tremendous snorer, I think the group already knew this. We will touch on this subject again.

Everyone is up, we start to move out. Arthur is at the wheel. He starts to pull out straight and then we have to make a left hand turn. He starts to turn and I yell, “STOP!” I point out to him that we have two people laying on the floor, and that if he were to continue his route their heads would end up part of Gallagher’s “Sledge ’O’ Matic" routine. They must have started sleeping between two cars but then the one on the end must have left. I tell him go straight until I give you the clear; he does for a little then proceeds to turn. I yelled STOP ! Again then told him GO STRAIGHT UNTIL I TELL YOU TO TURN, we inched forward until we were clear. I felt bad cause I yelled at this guy that A.) Is older than me, and I was taught not to speak that way to my superiors B). Is a whole lot smarter than me [I forgot to mention that our Capitan, Sara is a member of MENSA] and C) well, I really liked him a lot and I could have done it a lot more diplomatic to say the least. I think the race is starting to erode some of our civility. Anyway, it was all water under the bridge and never brought up again. There wasn’t even any of that funny feeling after an awkward moment if you know what I mean.

OK I’m Bushed, I did 10, ½ mile repeats on the track, in 3:10, with 1 Lap jog recup. In between.

Good night Boys and Girls.

I continue Tomorrow with, I better not joke, The Beast, The Run-By Mooning, my best mile ever, the post Partum Depression, The guy that told me to shut my Pie Hole, The free Pitcher of beer I won from the owner of the Bar, more of Jim’s Snoring, My two new black toes, the Bonfire, and how you should never venture to far from your fire after Skinny Dipping in the Pacific because you just might not make it back to YOUR fire.

Braz

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