And the story goes on....

So, Some Call me.... Bill and Braz are putting in some LSD (Long Slow Distance) Quoting Python, Stooges and other important literary figures when out of the blue this giant green alien swoops down and zaps their Garmins! Not sure how long they have run, they turn to Leslie who is swinging in her hammock, sipping something pink, and they ask "Can you mix up another batch? We're just going to run one more loop. Although this time, make sure you add more of those Geoduck things....you know, they look like pineapples but smell like Angie's Dutch Oven after Burrito Night At Casa Grande, Why aren't you training like the rest of us Leslie?

Leslie replies.... Because I'm waiting for Lety and Lite Horse, we're going to watch Sabado Gigante this afternoon.

Hey Lety, Where is Lite Horse? Suddenly Lite Horse materializes from thin air. He is wearing a white robe and huarache sandals. There is a faint glow about him that appears otherworldly. He speaks: "I have come from the Tarahumara land of the Ultra to bring you tidings and a message for the Great Tarahumara himself. He is requesting that we all use our Garmins for world peace. "You see", he continued with an air of Shaman, "Your Garmins are not really disabled but are now converted into time travel devices". As he spoke Lety looked at her device and scoffed pushing her button down on her Garmin. Suddenly she vanished as suddenly as Light Horse appeared. Everyone gasped... Some Call me...Bill and DeltaBraz stared at each other mouths agape. DeltaBraz muttered, "Perhaps LSD doesn't stand for Long Slow Distance?".

SCM Bill immediately sold his Garmin and bought another round of the magic liquid. Without warning g8rgirl popped in, said "An alligator ate my sock!", causing SCMB to spill his drink all over Braz. Well, Braz immediately jumped to his feet, cursing in Spanish. "Los Stupidos Donaldaz", shaking the liquid off his now sputtering running watch. "That's what LSD stands for"!!!. No one noticed that Prince George Old Guy was creeping up the grass embankment, looking haggard but resolute. Gasping for breath he held out a pair of red flannel long johns. Quick, someone help me hide these from FimFam. He's gonna Put them on, use his Garmin, and travel back to 196..

"1967" gasped PGOG, August 23rd, 1967. He's going to take credit for the invention of the Dutch Oven the day before Runnerangie is born"!

A voice from behind startles everyone as they turn with a start. There standing in their midst was Nut Sac Man all dewey and damp with what appeared to be The 'Crazy Finn's balls. "How is he going to juggle?", asked one. But before anyone dared answer there was an enormous clatter, everyone looked at Angie. Could it be? No, worse, it was Ang who had blown the biggest Butt-Moose you ever heard. It had to blow thru the layer of "Body Glide" on her butt crack so it sounded all the better. At that, NSM exclaimed, "Sweet lord! Quick, everyone into the buttmobile!" Before the fumes could reach the intrepid runners they all scrambled into the reconverted Hum-Vee with enormous buttcheeks on top. "Nobody smoke!" shouted Bill. They spun out over the perfectly manicured lawn but came to an abrupt halt at the sight of the planet of the breakfast people where someone tried to sell SurfCity a used T.Rex album. Dennis pulled 9 dollars out from his secret compartment concealed in the Magic Surfboard, Punched in a 5:45 Pace on the garmin and "Poof", escaped the Angie Death Cloud.

Meanwhile, Lety was spotted on Sabado Gigante trying for First Place in The Thong Bikini - Flamming Hula Hoop Division.

Back in the Buttmobile, NSM Declares, "I have his balls! Tthe Fin is no more"! To which the Chainsaw Weilding Nemesis appeared, Garmin askew, due to Metric Measurments, and before he could abort the Death Blow he cut off PGOG's spandex which put all the Canadian girls in quite a tizzy! Well, it was either that or the sight of Bill in his tank top that got them swooning over his massive muscles.

Meanwhile~ Leon shows up to report that Lite Horse has Self Proclaimed himself the Lord/King of Tarahumara, land of the Ultra by having outrun the Great Tarahumara himself. He now declares a challenge upon the 10 Lords of Pissing, the challenge is to provide ten "virtual Porta-Pottis at every mile in the Las Vegas Marathon. But before he can utter a word G8Rgirl and Rgilmoreaz leap from the bushes and tear off their clothing to reveal themselves as 'GatorWoman' and The 'HulkRunner'. They turn suddenly to face a hissing figure bearing down. "My God it's that crazy ball-less Finn, and he's waving a chainsaw around!

"Where's my balls!", he shouts. GatorWoman and HulkRunner exchange glances and confront "Crazy Finn". GatorWoman blurts "The only thing that can distract him is a mirror". Quickly, "HulkRunner" pulls a tiny mirror from his fanny pack. He holds it up in front of "Crazy Finn" and his rage subsides. "Now we have only to solve the riddle of "RKMJTK" and "Rollo278" and we will have saved the world for Democracy" says "HulkRunner".

No one noticed a small jeep approaching. It stuttered and smoked for miles but the self-satisfied superheroes were preoccupied and noticed not.

At fifty yards a face appeared in the windscreen. It was a face that was familiar to all. A face too familiar to Vegasmary. It was her high school geometry teacher along with NutSac Man. They were carrying a banner that read "THE ANGLE OF THE DANGLE = THE HEAT OF THE MEAT"

And Mary having aced geometry in high school whipped out her protractor and declared in a fit of rage, her reddish locks wipping against her leith frame, "The square of the hypotenus is equal to the sum of the squares of the opposing angles", her frail frame trembling.

Suddenly the jeep evanesced into a slight plume of green smoke and there was a deadly calm.

"Too calm for my liking" quipped Runner Angie a wry smile betraying her real emotions.

A small running figure turned into a silouette on the horizon and became the object of everyone's attention as it approached. It was too late by the time Angie recognized the face of the approaching stranger. Not quite human, it approached with stolid resolution. SCMBill cried out in a shriek and Angie said "It can't be! Is that Elvis? It appears to be, but what happened to his face? It looks like he had a run in with Ohio Di's Racoon!!!! As Elvis got closer he yelled something in a somewhat pained voice,"What's up beeeyatch?"

Vegas Mary put away her protractor and instead pulled out Finfam Man's Cowbell and chased. She held it in the air and said (in a very calm but fearce voice) "Fo 'Shizzle, yo hizzle". Elvis, looking a little confused, had nothing to say. Instead - he threw a blue suede shoe at VM. Effortlessly VM knocked the shoe away and right into DB Diva's shopping bag. "Thanx", DB Diva says. "I luv shoes"!

VM responds to the Elvis attack by wipping off her tech shirt and running willy nilly down the strip in her sports bra! Several bystanders pause and take note, "Isn't that the lady we saw on those interviews on KLAS last year?" Just then there was a shout from the crowd~ Kamloops Kid, Hilo Running Couple and Drew yelled in unison, "Don't drink the Gatorade, Shane used one of those Gatorade bottles as a piss-pot on his last hike.

This man also has a habit of interrupting great stories. For punishment he must be the guy that hoses all the hurl off the street down by the Stratosphere."No way,brutha,me and Slowpole got a date with a Transvestite Elvis who is running in the marathon with us. I ain't cleaning no barf. I'd rather fight off that street gang over there. Wait,that's no gang,it's Donaldaz and DeltaBraz and it looks like they got a big bucket full of the Splattered Remains of Body Glide from Butt Moose Angie. It's the only thing that will stop Lefty and his beastly gang of Amazon-like showgirls. "Ahhhhh", screamed all the runners. "Hurry! Someone get the Sharpie Markers and draw moustaches on all the Amazon Showgirls". With a quizzical reluctance they did just that. It caused such a stampede of mafia men who suddenly mistook the Amazons for Italian women that they were able to make their escape unnoticed.

As they once again piled into the Buttmobile, this time with Transvestite Elvis now at the wheel, they drove through the night until the state line of Idaho, picked up a Bushel of Uber-Carb Spuds, and made a beeline for the Canadian Border where Ottawa with his Canadian Cold Weather Warning System in full swing, tassels and all, met them with Ebeneezer (Shirley) who said to Ottowa, " What the heck are you wearing those tassles for? I'm the one nipping out!" So he decided to give the tassles to Shirley who thanked him profusely. As she applied them to her chest she turned to see a rather scrawny man hiding behind the corner of the wall. It was LeftyFlash and he immediately began to fight Shirley for the tassles~ he wanting to stop the nipple chafing that plagued him in the last marathon and to this day still hasn't recovered from.

In the ensuing melee, the tassles flew out of Ebeneezer's hand. Out of nowhere FimFam returns from 1967 (after taking credit for what is now called the Fimster Oven), grabs the tassles with a wicked sneer, and says, "HAND THEM OVER!!!! These are the tassels from the Buttmobile!!!! They are specially designed to complement the unique Butt Moose Dice I picked up in Idaho and plan to use when I clean up on the tables in Vegas this year." At which point he ran over to the Buttmobile and reattached the tassels.

Just then, Don realized that he'd forgotten to pack socks. What would he do? Not to worry, Albert came to the rescue with a fantastic idea. "Hey, Angie gave her "sleeve socks" to TriVegas and he is now wearing them. Maybe he doesn't need them anymore and you could use them. Don thought, "hmmmm.....socks with the toe cut off for sleeves. What a great idea. For a brief moment he considered placing them on his face to enjoy the ambiance but Elephant remembered quickly his brilliant thought! "We're close to Seattle, let's go get a couple of Jennie's XXXS sundresses for socks for Don's enormous foobys".

They were an unusual sight to say the very least. Cruising along Seattle's docks where Jennie usually works; a large pink HumVee with buttcheeks, a Transvestic Elvi hunched menacingly over the wheel, mascara running, and a sinister, time-traveling, half mad inventor of the Fimster Oven, all planning to destroy the Vegas Casino Win Ratio. A lone figure in the distance talking with Armenian sailors. "It's just a nine year old emaciated girl" Elephant piped in. But it was surely Jennie earning her running shoe mad money and LVM entry fees. "I think it's clever of her to ignore her old friends" growled the dice rolling madman, FimFam, his voice grating like fingernails on a chalkboard. Ebenezer suddenly broke free of loosely tied tassel bonds, the door flying open, and ran into the fog screaming a warning to Jennie. "Look ou.....! But her words were cut off by the 380 lb flying butt cheek that broke free from the roof of the buttmobile. "Damn" yelled the TransElvi, his mascara completely ruined at this point, "What good is half an a$$"??? "It seems to work in the White House"! a sweet voice calls out from the end of the wharf. Ginger26.2 was standing next to her new, freshly waxed Mercedes. "I've put up with half-a$$ cars and men for years. Now I've got the best of both."

"Heeelllpp! Some help here!" a tiny voice cried out from under the now flattened asscheek plainted. But most took the opportunity to scramble into Ginger's ride and as the squeal of tires faded into the night Elvis sobbed and dabbed his makeup in the rearview mirror while FimFam and Lefty worked on refitting the sagging cheek. It did not occur to anyone that the sense of urgency would go to level red when a now alerted Jennie approached and kicked tranny Elvis in the post op parts. "Golly Duke, didja hafta treat me like a fool,treat me mean and cruel?"

Vegas Mary came over the hill with The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and says "Stuff it King, this surly bunch with the bad attitudes are my kinda folks" Before winding up,checking first and third, then proceeded to count to three, starting at one and preceeding by one until three is reached, being careful not to exceed three going on to four. But before she could make the toss, out of nowhere appeared SCMB and Braz, singing:

"We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot."

Tossing the grenade towards the drag King, VM screams: "Runaway, Runaway!"

Down the dock they ran, towards the sea plane that awaited them. On board was a bearded man and three crates of Pop Tarts.

"What the...." but Braz couldn't finish his sentence. He was interrupted by an incoming... missle fired by the drag King, who managed to evade the grenade. "Somebody help us!" screams Bill. Calmly, Braz whips out his pocket improbability drive, pushes the button, and the missile turns into a whale which harmlessly falls into the ocean. "Whew", VM exhales, "that was a close one".

Everyone takes a moment to catch their breath while Donaldaz heads to the lobby for popcorn "Get me some Sour Patch Kids while you're out there" said Ang. She turned to Bill and let out an SBD. With a grin on her face she said, "I fart in your general direction". Bill then lets out a scream. He sits straight up in bed, gasping for air. His demeanor one of stark fear, he sweats profusely.

A little girl stands in the dim light of the hallway. "Daddy, I heard someone scream". Bill chuckles to himself as his wife gets up and comforts the little girl. "Just another one of Daddy's chilidog nightmares, honey. Let's go on back to bed". SCMBill crosses to the bathroom where he plops two Alka Seltzer into a glass of bathroom sink water. He plops in two more for a total of four. "Gotta cut down on them damn chilidogs", he mutters.

END

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